I came out a couple weeks ago and have said that my husband has a pornography addiction. I did not do that to shame him, but to offer encouragement to other women who are facing the same situation as I am. I do not feel free to share at my church the struggles I face. I have the most amazing church family, but pornography is just one of those issues. My husband is doing good still, but I know as with any addiction that the struggle will be lifelong. I also know my God is in control!
Last week I had the chance to attend the Refine Us Tour and the couple that spoke have such an amazing testimony. They have gone through many trials including pornography and infidelity. Now their mission is to help others.
When I think of my husband’s addiction I pray for him. I know his addiction is not about me. At least I know it is in my head, sometimes my heart doesn’t get the same message. That is when I need God’s Word. Here are 5 verses that have helped me understand and cope with what I am going through.
- “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14, NIV) Sometimes I feel down because I feel as if my husband is looking because I am not measuring up to his standards of what is beautiful or sexy. I know my husband thinks I am beautiful, but when I am heartbroken I think less of myself. I love to read about how how God made me and I feel like God’s princess once again.
- “Jesus Wept.” (John 11:35). This verse lets me know that it is ok to cry, to feel hurt. If Jesus cried, so can I. I just can’t stay in that hurt because that is not good for me and my marriage.
- “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? “Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:21-22 NIV) This verse reminds me that my husband is going to make mistakes, he will slip. He will also ask my forgiveness. I need to give it. It doesn’t mean I condone his behavior. My forgiveness doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to continue to work on his addiction. My forgiveness means that I forgive him. I am not holding on to the bitterness of unforgiveness.
- “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 KJV) You see that? the promise of peace. I can pray and God WILL give me peace. Not just any peace but a peace that we can’t even understand. I do not need to stay in a depressed state of mind over my husband’s addiction and its’ affects on me. I need to accept God’s peace.
- “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) Since I am human, I tend to forget God’s plan for my life. God did not purposely give me a husband that has this addiction. God did not mean for my heart to hurt, God gives me hope. It is human flesh and Satan that my husband and I are battling. I cannot blame God.
If your spouse has a pornography addiction, please know that you are not alone. Feel free to email me and connect. Going through this is so much easier with friends. 🙂