Last Tuesday started like any other. My husband came home from his first job. We enjoyed some time together. Then he left for his second job. An hour later I heard a phone go off and realized he left his phone at home. I checked the notification and my heart sank. He was emailing women and had started an account on an adult hook-up website.
Still six days later and I am still in a state of shock. I knew my husband battled a pornography addiction. I never thought it would progress to the next level. He was seeking out more.
We fought. I cried. He tried defending himself.
I opened my Bible and 2 Corinthians jumped out at me. Paul is talking about his thorn of the flesh. He says, “ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)
I was in a hardship. I felt weak. I have learned in the last 6 days that God’s grace is sufficient for me.
God gave me a wonderful group of blogging friends that I confided in, they even offered to pay for a hotel room for me if I needed it because I was wandering the streets. God gave me a wonderful church that offers counselors at no charge. God gave me a church that prayed with me every time I called, which was probably too many times. God gave me wonderful friends, like Joanna, who took the time to encourage me. God held me. God allowed me to cry. God showed me my marriage is not over. God gave me the right music at the right time. the right passages at the right time, the right people at the right time.
(Related post: 5 Verses for Wives of Pornography Addicts)
My heart is still broken. I am still sad. I am still in a state of shock. The feelings don’t go away just because my husband apologized. The feelings don’t evaporate because my husband has agreed to go to marriage counseling. The feelings don’t go away because my husband is bending backwards to be nice to me. I do know though, that with God’s grace that I will get through this. I have hope that God will offer grace to my husband. I have hope that God will give my husband freedom from his addiction. I have hope that God will restore my marriage and make it better than I can even imagine.
If you are going through what I am going through. Please feel free to email me. I may not always have the answer, but I can understand and listen. What has helped me most are the people who have just been there to listen.