One of the things I struggle with as a wife of someone who has a pornography addiction is trying to keep tabs on my husband. The truth…it is exhausting work. I can’t tell you how many times I have checked my husband’s phone, asked him if he “looked”, and worried about him while I was out. I believe that burden of being the keeper of his commitment to get better is something God wouldn’t want me to handle. Ultimately, the husband is the head of my family. I am not in charge of him. I don’t think I should get all private investigator on him. I should support him in any way he feels necessary. He does share with when he struggles and is open with me when needed. Trust is broken in my relationship, God is healer though- not me. My job is to be his supporter, his help-meet.
Being my Husband’s Supporter
- Pray for him. I am praying for him. I am on my knees asking God to give my husband the strength and courage to fight this addiction. He is in a battle against his flesh and against the powers of Satan.
- Avoid “triggers”. I Corinthians 8:9 says, “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.” Since my husband has a sexual addiction he probably has more triggers than the non-sexually addicted man. Certain TV shows, activities, and places may have to be avoided until my husband gets his addiction under control. I am not saying that these things have to be avoided forever, but sexual addiction is similar to alcoholic addiction. During recovery, you wouldn’t find an alcoholic in a bar, don’t expect my husband to be shopping at Victoria Secret.
- Get educated. Sexual addiction is a nasty beast. You have no idea how to support or pray for your husband without knowing the battle he is in. My favorite book to read about his addiction is Every Heart Restored by Brenda and Fred Stoeker. I also like the Unveiled Wife, XXXChurch, and the Covenant Eyes Blog.
- Find Support. To give support you need to be supported. Find a local group of women who are encountering the same problem. I had a wonderful support group in North Carolina. Sadly, in my community no such group exists unless I want to travel an hour or so away. For me, I have some close friends I talk to and internet communities. I hope to start a group soon with God’s leading because I can’t be the only woman in my town with a husband addicted to pornography.