My Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day can be pretty rough for me but lately I have been wanting to be an encouragement to others rather than dwell on what I am not or don’t have. Katie over at Paradise Praises gave me the chance to guest post about Mother’s Day and how I deal with it so others can be encouraged. Please check out my post: For When You Don’t Belong on Mother’s Day.  45c5d53e93196ef2a9d5766ac1a2dd96

 

Mother’s Day Reflections

65a76b17a27a04156a173c1b139ffd91Mother’s Day is one of those days I have a very hard time with. I keep thinking each year would get better, but alas it does not. Here are some of my Mother’s Day reflections.

I still have a hard time dealing with the abandonment issues from my mother. I was put into foster care around  age 12 because my father was abusive. My birth mother didn’t fight for me, but rather tried to hang on to my father. I was crushed and sometimes still wonder what my life would be like if she would have chosen me instead. I have been told she is mentally off and I know she was very co-dependent, so in a lot of ways I think it was better for me to have not been raised by her. Regardless, of what my head thinks, my heart still yearns for her. I could “find” her if I wanted to, but have chosen not to for my mental health. Some people are just toxic.

The fact that another Mother’s day is passing where I don’t have a child in my life leaves me heartbroken. In my eyes, my miscarriage makes me a mother. The world doesn’t see it that way though. I think just how hard I struggle to become a mom should entitle me some mother’s day love. Women who have infertility issues band together on mother’s day and give each other virtual hugs. I love the various TTC and infertility groups I am in. If you are experiencing infertility, please don’t go through it alone. Reach out to people. IT HURTS and having someone able to understand is a major help.

I am thankful to have my mother-in-law, who has accepted me as her daughter. We are planning a cookout meal for her on Mother’s Day. She is super sweet to me and accepted me into the family from the first time I met her. Though she is not the spiritual type, she gives me love and guidance. I pray that she accepts Jesus as her Savior, if she hasn’t already.mother-in-law

Sometimes God gives you a mother when you are almost done “growing up”. I arrived in my Foster Mom’s life when I was 15. I could tell her home was different than all the others I had been in. She was close to her husband, and close to each child in her home. This included me. She had 4 foster kids, 4 adopted kids, and 2 biological kids. I still had special alone time with her though. She was so easy to talk too. She let me cry. She understood my anger. She loved me for me. She did not judge me for the bad things I had done as a teen going through struggles. Between games of Rummikub and Lake Michigan trips to the cottage, she led me to trust on Jesus. She told me all the time that God had a plan. She shared with me Genesis 50:20 and ever since that point, that is my life verse.

My relationship with my foster mother has grown in the last 4 years as certain life events have made us grow closer. One is my infertility. She battled infertility for 9 years before having her first. She understands my struggle and hurt so much. I also know that she is praying for me to have my miracle.  Second, was the murder of her biological daughter, Lee-Ann. The whole time she never lost her faith. Sadly, I lost mine for awhile but she understood and didn’t judge me or push me. I watched her deal this tragedy and admired her even more. She is alone as my foster dad died years ago, her son lives far away, her four adopted kids cut her out of their lives, and only a handful of her many, many foster kids still have contact with her. She took mainly younger kids, so many probably don’t even remember who she was in their life. Even with being alone she carries on. She is still sad and is carrying on. She is my hero! We may not be legally or biologically mother and daughter, but my heart says otherwise.

Title Photo Credit: Flickr Kaytee Riek  (text added)

Just 18 Summers Book Review

Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising):  I received a copy of this book for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.When I first heard about the book Just 18 Summers, I was intrigued. But, as I had just accepted another book review, I didn’t want to hog all the literary action. When no one else stepped up, I was tickled when I was asked to review it. The concept is something that is close to my heart and I was anxious to read it.

To properly put my review into perspective, you have to understand from whence I come, so to speak. I have three children, ages 9, 11, and 13. Each year passes by so quickly and recently I have been pondering the future and in a surprising way, that causes me to contemplate the present. My oldest will be 14 in September. When I was 14, I began learning how to drive a car and I had kissed my first boy. New laws make it so that she cannot have her learner’s permit until she is 15. But, I look at her and realize that in one more year, she will be driving and starting high school. I have five years left with her. The past 14 years have flown by in the blink of an eye and I wonder if I have prepared her enough. Have I taught her enough? Have I modeled desirable traits enough? Will the next five years be enough to make up for what I have not yet taught her? And as she enters these turbulent teen years, will she listen to my instructions or is she already set in who she is?Continue Reading