One of the things I blog about is my husband’s struggle with pornography. This week my husband made a decision that by many would be extreme. He decided that he would only use electronics at home. Just like Caleb in Fireproof smashed his computer to bits, my husband is making some extreme choices for a pure marriage and a pure mind for himself.
Extreme Choices for A Pure Marriage
So how did this extreme choice to forgo technology come about? Oddly, it really had nothing to do with our faith. It had to do with intimacy and my ability to enjoy it. After so many years I have developed a deep disgust for intimacy with my husband. I love him something fierce but the idea of giving my body to him when I know what he does in private turned me off. The times I did submit, I cried afterward alone not letting him know my pain.
This week I decided to not let sex happen. We kissed and hugged but I could not bring myself to do more. I shared with him why only after he pressed. He said he understood. At first he tried to make excuses for not dealing with the addiction. Instead of feeding in to the arguing, I simply said “Man Up and deal with this, do this for yourself, and do it without me involved”. I am emotionally tired of all these years of him having this addiction and not taking control.
His Choice to Keep His Phone at Home
The next morning he woke up to get ready for work and he told me that he was leaving his phone at home. He did not want it, he did not want the temptation. This was not my idea, this was not even a suggestion I ever came up with. It is 2018 what person goes without their phone. He admitted to me that not only does he have a pornography addiction he believes he has a phone addiction in general that takes away from our marriage. My surprise was twofold, one he was admitting to being addicted to his phone and two he was going extreme. He was not adding an app which he pretty knows how to get around. He is determined to get rid of the addiction.
He has tried accountability partners, accountability software, giving me access to his social accounts, and church groups. Since my husband is not all that social and he works longs hours none of those have things helped.
My Response to My Husband’s Choice
To say my first response was shock is an understatement. I was floored. My phone and pornography addicted husband is pulling out all the stops to get rid of the poison in his life.
My second response was to head to Google. Can a man stop pornography without support groups, accountability partners, etc? What I found kind of surprised me. Fighting pornography addiction has grown outside the Christian community and the secular world is beginning to see the detrimental effects of pornography. There are many online community groups of men fighting pornography and “rebooting” their brain to make real life and real sex better.
I found so much information on the website rebootnation.org. This is a secular site so it does not promote abstinence before marriage or even banning masturbation. It is all science based with education men about retraining their brain to associate their partner with sexual urges rather computer pixels.
I did share what I learned with my husband after his day at work and he thanked me. He said it was the extra support he would benefit from.
I pray. I am praying hard. He is going to have a rough time. Reboot Nation scientifically explains how your brain will respond as you take away porn and replace with real life. The good and bad are explored. Though my husband is not using a Christian approach it doesn’t mean that God is not in my husband’s recovery.
Hopefully someday I update this post and say that it worked. We are on day 2 of no technology for my husband. I will keep this post updated as time goes on.