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Heartbreak and God’s Grace

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Last Tuesday started like any other. My husband came home from his first job. We enjoyed some time together. Then he left for his second job. An hour later I heard a phone go off and realized he left his phone at home. I checked the notification and my heart sank. He was emailing women and had started an account on an adult hook-up website.

Still six days later and I am still in a state of shock. I knew my husband battled a pornography addiction. I never thought it would progress to the next level. He was seeking out more.Gods Grace

We fought. I cried. He tried defending himself.

I opened my Bible and 2 Corinthians jumped out at me. Paul is talking about his thorn of the flesh. He says,  “ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

I was in a hardship. I felt weak. I have learned in the last 6 days that God’s grace is sufficient for me. 

God gave me a wonderful group of blogging friends that I confided in, they even offered to pay for a hotel room for me if I needed it because I was wandering the streets. God gave me a wonderful church that offers counselors at no charge. God gave me a church that prayed with me every time I called, which was probably too many times. God gave me wonderful friends, like Joanna, who took the time to encourage me. God held me. God allowed me to cry. God showed me my marriage is not over. God gave me the right music at the right time. the right passages at the right time, the right people at the right time.

(Related post: 5 Verses for Wives of Pornography Addicts)

My heart is still broken. I am still sad. I am still in a state of shock. The feelings don’t go away just because my husband apologized. The feelings don’t evaporate because my husband has agreed to go to marriage counseling. The feelings don’t go away because my husband is bending backwards to be nice to me. I do know though, that with God’s grace that I will get through this. I have hope that God will offer grace to my husband. I have hope that God will give my husband freedom from his addiction. I have hope that God will restore my marriage and make it better than I can even imagine.

If you are going through what I am going through. Please feel free to email me. I may not always have the answer, but I can understand and listen. What has helped me most are the people who have just been there to listen.

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Heather S

Sunday 29th of March 2015

April, This article is SO spot on to what many who are in this situation, including myself, deal with. Unfortunately, I've found that if you personally haven't been affected by this it can be VERY difficult to understand. April, remember, NOTHING can happen without God first allowing it to. Continue to trust in Him, lean into Him, cry out to Him, and know that He can and will use this for your good and His glory. I pray that God will use this situation to strengthen your marriage and hopefully use it as a catalyst for both you and your husband to get the help you both need, just as He did for us. I also trust that He will continue to use your situation to reach out to others who are walking through the very same thing you and I both are. Keep speaking out boldly for His glory, proclaiming all that He wants to do in the lives of others who seek His name.

Tesha Fritz

Wednesday 18th of March 2015

You will find God's grace in the strangest situations. Praise God through the pain. Like Silas and Paul your praise will break chains. Praying with you!

Grace Treherne

Tuesday 17th of March 2015

Your transparency is a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing your heart and for pointing others to Jesus even in the middle of your heart break. May the Lord bless and keep you and make his face shine upon you. May you find comfort and feel his presence closely during this time.

Erica @ Coming Up Roses

Tuesday 17th of March 2015

Wow. You are so very brave, my dear. This brought tears to my eyes as I connect to your emotions here. You are such a woman of grace to be able to look at your husband with love and forgiveness still, and to be willing to keep on trying and pushing - that is so admirable, and I'm sure there are many women out there who wouldn't share the same mindset. You are so strong! I am praying for you.

Tayler Morrell

Monday 16th of March 2015

You are so brave and beautiful! Have you two considered going to a family help clinic? I've known a few couples who were in the same situation and within a year, their marriage was super strong again and the husband was clean.


Wednesday 18th of March 2015

I have never heard of a family help clinic. We have gone to a few good conferences and we are excited about counseling at our church. My husband has his first appointment today.