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Not Fitting In- The Social Effect of Infertility

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Ever feel like you don’t belong? One of the ways, I feel like I don’t belong is with friendships. Friends usually choose each other based on common interests. When in high school you usually hang out with those in your class, sports team, or social clubs. In college you find people with the same majors.

Finding friends as a grown up is a little bit harder, but there are still groups. You got parents of such and such age group (MOPS, playgroups, etc.), singles, those who are divorced, empty nesters, career minded adults, etc. Churches cater to those groups and often base their Sunday School classes on those divisions. Now enter my husband and me- happily married and in our 30’s and no kids. We don’t fit in and this is a social effect of infertility.

social effect of infertility

How have I dealt with this?

My husband and I usually try out several different Sunday School classes until we have find the right one. Sometimes it is with people our age, sometimes it is with older people (empty nesters). I think childless couples need to  put themselves out there more to find connections and friendships. I am not saying that we can’t be friends, even good friends with people with kids, but it is harder. I have found a few wonderful friends that are also childless and it feels so good to have a connection with someone who knows what life is like.

I have tried meeting people online. I have met a dear friend that has the same infertility struggles as myself. We met via Craigslist. She is single though, so I always feel bad when I want to spend time with my husband instead of her. She is available a whole lot more than I am and getting together is hard to do with our schedules. I had met another wonderful childless lady through We met during a Christmas cookie exchange and my husband and I went to her church for awhile while we were looking for a church home.

Since the death of my best friend a couple years ago, I just feel like I really haven’t “clicked” with someone as a best friend other than my husband. When that lonely feeling hits, I reflect on Jesus being my friend. He is the perfect friend that knows my circumstances. He listens and comforts.

Another way I deal with the friendship effect of infertility is prayer. I know God will lead those people he wants me to meet into my path. I need to be watching of those souls that might need my friendship. I pray that God gives me the friends I need during times of trouble. We encounter people all the time while going about our daily life and never know when we might meet our next friend. I am often reminded of a song I sang when I was a girl scout “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold. A circle is round, it has no end. That’s how long, I will be your friend.


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