My husband battles sexual addiction, more specifically, a pornography addiction. We went through a very hard time a few months ago and my husband is in counseling. I have been praying for him so much. Yesterday, my husband forgot his phone and I glanced through it. Yup, I found some but not much. I also found an inappropriate text to one of his old high school female friends. I was hurt, I was angry. The thing is though, I had time to work it out. My husband was working a 13 hour shift. Since I had his phone I had no way to contact him.
I cried because I know the battle he is undertaking. I cried because even though I didn’t enlist into this war zone, I am drafted. My heart hurt and I did some bad emotional eating. I know that was wrong. I then decided to do the smart thing and spend some time with God. I got into my Bible, sung some worship songs, and listened to some Beth Moore videos on YouTube.
I wished I would of done of all of that first.
I wished I would of let Jesus fill my void and not food.
God at Work in My Marriage
By the time my husband got home I was pretty much cried out and calm. I confronted him and then the most amazing thing happened. He admitted he looked, he admitted he was wrong. He didn’t try to blame me like previous times. He didn’t blame being tired. He didn’t blame anyone but himself. He said it is hard. He said he will attend counseling more often. We didn’t spend all night arguing.
My heart broke. My husband was changing. I could see it. Even though I found out that he again succumbed to temptation, I felt like this situation is fixable. God is at work. If you are in the same situation have hope, this change was 9 years in the making.
He probably felt like I did. I felt guilty for going to food first. He felt guilt for going to pornography rather than praying to God for the ability to flee. For years, I have prayed for my husband to change and it is happening.
Last night I extended grace, last night I extended love. He still knew it was something he needed to work on, but hopefully I was kind enough to let him know I am on his side.
I feel weird sometimes being so vulnerable in these posts. I mean I am telling the world that my life isn’t picture perfect. Then I get emails from you all letting me know that what I am writing is encouraging to you. That prompts me share more. Hopefully, you know you are not alone. Our husbands are in a HUGE battle and we are to be prayer warriors for them.